I mentioned on Instagram and Facebook that in honor of my one year marriage anniversary coming up, we will be talking ALL about love this month!
So let’s get this started!!
I didn’t really know what to expect when I went into labor for the first time. I didn’t really know how I was supposed to feel much less what to do! I mean, who actually does the first time they go into labor?
However, I had a fabulous birth partner, my husband! He was so strong for me. I remember being in the bath tub during the beginning of my labor, because it’s usually the first place I go when I don’t feel good, and my husband came home from work and he just sat next the tub and talked to me. I was crying in the bath tub all the way up until he came home and then when he started talking to me, I didn’t feel like I needed to cry anymore. I was crying because I was mainly scared, but I was also so uncomfortable. Then he just started talking to me. First it was questions like, “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have left work earlier” and “How long have you been in labor!?” I’ll be honest, I didn’t tell anyone. I knew I was in labor, but I was so scared that I just ignored it. Like ignoring it was going to make it go away? ha.
Then the conversation trailed into talking about me blogging, because at the time I had just started blogging. I’m not sure if he was trying to distract me, but whether he was trying or not, it worked. It was just enough conversation to make me feel safe and that everything was going to be okay.
We laid in bed for hours next to each other, going back and forth about whether I should go to the hospital or not. My husband eventually made a deal with me that if the contractions didn’t stop by a certain time then we have to go to the hospital. I didn’t want to at the time, but honestly if he didn’t come up with that deal, than we probably would have had an even bigger emergency than we already had.
When we were in labor & delivery triage I kept having to pee, but I had all these wires hooked up to my belly and I was half naked and I had no idea where my shoes were. I wasn’t comfortable with someone coming in the room while I was trying to slowly make my way to the bathroom naked and I was disgusted by the idea of walking into the bathroom with no shoes on. So my husband put his huge manly flip flops on me, helped me hop out of bed, and then he would hold the door to the triage room so that no one could walk in and see me naked trying to waddle inch by inch to the bathroom. He probably knew that everyone was going to see my girly bits anyways (I wasn’t thinking of that at the time), but he still blocked the door so that I could be comfortable.
When we were admitted, I not once noticed him breaking down. I was told long after I gave birth about each time that he did break down and cry or had to leave the room, but he did it so secretively that I didn’t notice it. He kept his distance and allowed me to work through the pain the best way I could. Which wasn’t all that well, by the way! However, he still allowed me to do what I needed to in such an intense time.
The moment I realized my husband was a super hero was during my birth. I was petrified at the fact that I had to have a c-section. I had such a strong feeling that either my daughter or I was not going to make it through the surgery. Ethan wasn’t allowed in the room until he was completely prepped for surgery, and I remember being in the room alone begging the doctor to not start cutting me open until my husband came in the room. I don’t remember the last time I was that scared. Finally my husband was allowed in the room just as surgery was starting. He walked in like a champ, man. He looked ready for this. I on the other hand was dreading it. I noticed him looking at the doctors and nurses performing the surgery, but I didn’t know exactly what he was looking at because I had a curtain pulled over my chest blocking my view. He not once flinched, much less closed his eyes when he looked towards them. He just held my hand and stayed in this super hero like state. Weeks later, I found out that when he walked into the room he was looking at my body cut wide open. He said it looked bad and that there was dark green meconium everywhere. But, he not once made it seem like it looked bad during that day. He stayed strong for me when I needed it most.
Then Teagynn was born and he couldn’t hold in those tears anymore. That was the rawest I’ve ever seen him. Seeing pure happiness just pouring down his cheeks. I felt good. I felt like we did it!!
I was overwhelmed with the love he had for our daughter and I in that exact moment.
I couldn’t have done it without him. ❤